Monday, September 22, 2008

3 Days to Go

Well there are three days left before we leave. The last two weeks have been... well... interesting. I think, though, they have mostly been good. The problem has been that we are trying to catch up with everyone before we go. See, everyone we get together with is another goodbye; it's a bitter-sweet time for us.

One other reason that things have been interesting is the fact that this is really happening. Tina and I started the process of becoming Peace Corps volunteers in March of 2007. It has been for us a vague idea that was always just around the corner. One of those things that, if we were to chase it, it would flit away like a butterfly. We have sacrificed so much to become a part of this amazing adventure and for so long it seemed like that was the thing itself, the sacrifice and process, and now it seems all of a sudden it is not a butterfly flitting about. It is reality. We are going to be living in a place where we will be the only white face for a hundred miles. We will be trying to cultivate relationships with people who are very different from ourselves. We will be striving to do REAL good. We will test ourselves, our marriage, our faith, the very essence of ourselves in the coming and months...and...it scares me to death.

It is a good type of scare though. It is the scare you get those few seconds before you make a decision that will impact the rest of our life. The scare you feel when you select a college, or get down on one knee with a ring in your pocket, or actually move out of your parents house (I may not be able to say that because I STILL haven't moved out of there, in fact I just put a whole bunch back in last month but I digress). It is the fear that wells up inside when you know the next few moments will change your life, not for the good or bad, not one way or the other, but just change it somehow.

Lastly the reason I say these weeks have been interesting is because we have been shopping for stuff non-stop. At least it feels that way. And anyone who knows Tina and I knows just how much we love shopping (please read with the fully intended sarcasm). This is interesting because half of the appeal of Peace Corps service for me was to learn what it would be like to truly live simply; to live without the stuff that we have that tends to cause so many complications; no cars, TV, computers, ringing phones, blah, blah, blah. And here I am the last few weeks trying to decide if I should find a way to buy and pack one of those solar powered lawn light things, you know the ones you put next to the side walk, just so I can have a light in my hut/house whichever the case may be. I mean come on. Am I really as dependent on this stuff as my brain is telling me I am? I feel like maybe I've woven my life into this complicated junk so much that I might not be able to really experience living simply, and I am left to ponder if that is bad or no.

4 comments:

ashley said...

Brother i'm really proud and jealous of you guys! I hope you do find out how to live simply and i'm sure you will. I love you lots!!

ash

Abby said...

I agree with Sis. I love you both and miss you like crazy. It's not wrong it's just differnt :)
~abby

scott said...

hey zeb-
I told you I would keep up with your blog, and I WILL!!

I just wanted to say that you and Tina were made to do this, I know that from the situational conversations we had at Arby's. And also it was great to work with you this summer. I had a great time. The malawians?? are lucky to have both of you! You are in our prayers.

Scott

Shane & Lane said...

We are really proud of you guys. You are doing what you have dreamed of doing since I met you. You are stepping out with courage that other people only wish they had. Being scared to death only means you are using more courage and trust in God. I have seen you encounter a few of these huge life changing moments and you have handled them great dignity. And all of them have brought you right to this next huge moment, and the same result will repeat. You have a focus on God and commitment to him that is not ordinary. When you seek to honor God with your time in Malawi he will use you for amazing things. I have no doubt that that is what will happen.

It is awesome that you guys are stepping into your dream instead of settling for complacency.