There is a catch though
I want to see some embarrassing stories in return. Just to make myself fell better, I want o see I'm not the only one who makes a fool of himself. So, lets call this a competition, best embarrassing story wins...I'm not sure what you win I'll think about it, but you have to beat my story and it has to be since August of this year.
So anyway. We went to Site! We got all of our stuff unloaded from the Peace Corps transport and had tea with our headmaster and fellow teachers as a little welcoming party, and it was good. I mean we were tired from the long drive and the hectic, whirlwind that was the three days before departing but we had a nice time with them. It got to be around supper time we decided we were to tired to start a fire to cook and just basically went to bed thinking, "We'll unpack in the morning."
So then about 1:00-1:30 in the morning I wake up and think, "Hmmm, I'm not feeling very well maybe I should got to the chim."
For those that don't know the Chim (short for Chimbuzi) is an outdoor pit latrine, and ours is about 15-20 yards away from our back door.
So get up, put my pants on, fumble around for a shirt, and start to leave the house. I don't even get to the kitchen when I realize, "Oh junk!" And yes...some of you by now have guessed what happened...nikufumira which is Timbuka for "the place that I am continually from"(where I was born i.e. Blissfield, MI) or it can also mean "to evacuate the bowels."
To simplify--I pooed my pants.
As if that was not enough, I still had to go and had to go NOW. Of course being the good son and son-in-law that I am I had made sure to lock not only the door into our court yard but also the kitchen door and I placed the keys somewhere that was difficult to find. So now I've messed myself and I rummaging through the kitchen trying to find the keys. I find them get the kitchen door unlocked and am on the way to the courtyard door when the second wave hits. I run across the court yard to get as close to the drain pipe as I can (It is a cement court yard with cement walls on either side and our cooking-kitchen and bafa make the back wall.) drop my drawers, and proceed to completely loose control of all bodily functions for the next five minutes. Dry heaves, nikufumira, you name it-I'm doing it. By this time Tina is up and she's trying to find the key for the court yard door, and trying to find me toilet paper since we haven't yet unpacked, and trying to find my something clean for me to put on, and trying to keep calm while her husband is bent over in the corner looking like a fountain of mess.
Things settle down at this point, and I'm trying to calm myself down, and clean myself up, but I am just so flustered and completely wiped out from how violent/surprising/embarrassing/etc. the last few minutes have been I can hardly get myself taken care of. So, my awesome wife comes over and smiles and says,"I figured I'd have to do this someday but I thought I had a good 40 years to prepare myself." Of course it is exactly the right thing to say and we both laugh and get things taken care of. I basically spent the rest of the night on the floor of the kitchen (closser to the door) or squatting in the chim. The longest stretch between chim runs was maybe, maybe 20 minutes. Now I don't know if you have ever done wall squats or just squats in general but they are not exactly easy. and when you add on top of that going to the bathroom and on top of that nikufumira style it makes squats even more difficult. And when you are already drained of all energy and not sleeping and then doing a five minute squat every 5-10 minutes...well My thighs are it top performance. At least that is the silver lining I am trying to pull out of the story.
SO that is the embarrassing side of the story, but the saga continues.
Tina proceeds to get sick the following afternoon and so now we are taking turn in the chim and all our neighbors know we are sick because the only time they see us for the next 3 days is while we make the trip to the chim and back, so that is a little embarrassing too. But we got feeling better
AND THEN I developer a rash between my fingers that is itchy and red and keeps me awake at night because it itches so bad and I decide well maybe I should look in our Staying Healthy in Malawi Handbook and see if it can tell me anything, and I read that wouldn't you know it, the description for Scabies fits my conditions to a tee. So know I'm a little embarrassed because I'm walking around with this rash that may or may not be Scabies which I have no idea how I got it and if it is I'm worrying about passing it to Tina and blah blah blah. And that takes us to about two days ago. We decide okay this has to be looked at, head to Lilongwe where our Peace Corps Doctor is and I walk into his office hanging my head and admit, "I'm afraid I have Scabies." He just smiles and says have a seat looks at my hand and says,"No, no, no, Scabies wouldn't make your eye swell up like that."
"MY Eye?!" and sure enough my eye is swollen looking like I got in a fight at the bus station or something.
So in the end it is just some type of allergic reaction and now I am on steroids (like when you have bad poison ivy) and something stronger than benydrill, and tomorrow is Christmas.
Merry Christmas everyone (thanks for the reminder Shane).
So I hope that this makes you smile because now that it is done and over with I and smiling about it, especially because I've told the story here a few times and whenever I tell the story to one of the volunteers that has been here for a while they just nod their head and proceed to tell me their first poo-in-the-pants story.
But things are really going great here. we love our site our headmaster is a cool guy who just want to take care of us and take care of the school and get going in the right direction. We planted a garden with like 25 different kinds of seeds and things are already starting to sprout. And I don't know we're really doing good; we're comfortable enough that if it wasn't for the Scabies scare, we had thought of just staying at site for Christmas (all the other 1st year ed volunteers are headed to the beach).
Anyway, I actually had time to play with pictures and get some onto the computer(I think Tina got some up too). We are using Picassa, and I don't know if you need an account or not to view the pictures but I'm trying to just post a link that should take you right there.
and here it is
Check them out, most are from homestay and training.