Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Embarassing Story #1

I'm calling this embarrassing Story #1 because I assume there will be many more to come.
There is a catch though
I want to see some embarrassing stories in return. Just to make myself fell better, I want o see I'm not the only one who makes a fool of himself. So, lets call this a competition, best embarrassing story wins...I'm not sure what you win I'll think about it, but you have to beat my story and it has to be since August of this year.

So anyway. We went to Site! We got all of our stuff unloaded from the Peace Corps transport and had tea with our headmaster and fellow teachers as a little welcoming party, and it was good. I mean we were tired from the long drive and the hectic, whirlwind that was the three days before departing but we had a nice time with them. It got to be around supper time we decided we were to tired to start a fire to cook and just basically went to bed thinking, "We'll unpack in the morning."

So then about 1:00-1:30 in the morning I wake up and think, "Hmmm, I'm not feeling very well maybe I should got to the chim."
For those that don't know the Chim (short for Chimbuzi) is an outdoor pit latrine, and ours is about 15-20 yards away from our back door.
So get up, put my pants on, fumble around for a shirt, and start to leave the house. I don't even get to the kitchen when I realize, "Oh junk!" And yes...some of you by now have guessed what happened...nikufumira which is Timbuka for "the place that I am continually from"(where I was born i.e. Blissfield, MI) or it can also mean "to evacuate the bowels."

To simplify--I pooed my pants.

As if that was not enough, I still had to go and had to go NOW. Of course being the good son and son-in-law that I am I had made sure to lock not only the door into our court yard but also the kitchen door and I placed the keys somewhere that was difficult to find. So now I've messed myself and I rummaging through the kitchen trying to find the keys. I find them get the kitchen door unlocked and am on the way to the courtyard door when the second wave hits. I run across the court yard to get as close to the drain pipe as I can (It is a cement court yard with cement walls on either side and our cooking-kitchen and bafa make the back wall.) drop my drawers, and proceed to completely loose control of all bodily functions for the next five minutes. Dry heaves, nikufumira, you name it-I'm doing it. By this time Tina is up and she's trying to find the key for the court yard door, and trying to find me toilet paper since we haven't yet unpacked, and trying to find my something clean for me to put on, and trying to keep calm while her husband is bent over in the corner looking like a fountain of mess.
Things settle down at this point, and I'm trying to calm myself down, and clean myself up, but I am just so flustered and completely wiped out from how violent/surprising/embarrassing/etc. the last few minutes have been I can hardly get myself taken care of. So, my awesome wife comes over and smiles and says,"I figured I'd have to do this someday but I thought I had a good 40 years to prepare myself." Of course it is exactly the right thing to say and we both laugh and get things taken care of. I basically spent the rest of the night on the floor of the kitchen (closser to the door) or squatting in the chim. The longest stretch between chim runs was maybe, maybe 20 minutes. Now I don't know if you have ever done wall squats or just squats in general but they are not exactly easy. and when you add on top of that going to the bathroom and on top of that nikufumira style it makes squats even more difficult. And when you are already drained of all energy and not sleeping and then doing a five minute squat every 5-10 minutes...well My thighs are it top performance. At least that is the silver lining I am trying to pull out of the story.
SO that is the embarrassing side of the story, but the saga continues.
Tina proceeds to get sick the following afternoon and so now we are taking turn in the chim and all our neighbors know we are sick because the only time they see us for the next 3 days is while we make the trip to the chim and back, so that is a little embarrassing too. But we got feeling better

AND THEN I developer a rash between my fingers that is itchy and red and keeps me awake at night because it itches so bad and I decide well maybe I should look in our Staying Healthy in Malawi Handbook and see if it can tell me anything, and I read that wouldn't you know it, the description for Scabies fits my conditions to a tee. So know I'm a little embarrassed because I'm walking around with this rash that may or may not be Scabies which I have no idea how I got it and if it is I'm worrying about passing it to Tina and blah blah blah. And that takes us to about two days ago. We decide okay this has to be looked at, head to Lilongwe where our Peace Corps Doctor is and I walk into his office hanging my head and admit, "I'm afraid I have Scabies." He just smiles and says have a seat looks at my hand and says,"No, no, no, Scabies wouldn't make your eye swell up like that."
"MY Eye?!" and sure enough my eye is swollen looking like I got in a fight at the bus station or something.
So in the end it is just some type of allergic reaction and now I am on steroids (like when you have bad poison ivy) and something stronger than benydrill, and tomorrow is Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone (thanks for the reminder Shane).

So I hope that this makes you smile because now that it is done and over with I and smiling about it, especially because I've told the story here a few times and whenever I tell the story to one of the volunteers that has been here for a while they just nod their head and proceed to tell me their first poo-in-the-pants story.

But things are really going great here. we love our site our headmaster is a cool guy who just want to take care of us and take care of the school and get going in the right direction. We planted a garden with like 25 different kinds of seeds and things are already starting to sprout. And I don't know we're really doing good; we're comfortable enough that if it wasn't for the Scabies scare, we had thought of just staying at site for Christmas (all the other 1st year ed volunteers are headed to the beach).

Anyway, I actually had time to play with pictures and get some onto the computer(I think Tina got some up too). We are using Picassa, and I don't know if you need an account or not to view the pictures but I'm trying to just post a link that should take you right there.
and here it is

Check them out, most are from homestay and training.


P.S. I want some good embarrassing stories on the comments page if it is so good just email it to me!


Ryan said...

Well Zeb i may or may not have your story beat. I may because it happened in Blissfield and not in a foriegn country. I may not because you are in a foriegn country having to use a hole in the ground and you were losing it out of both ends. Well after eating dinner with Jenna (my girlfriend for those of you who don't know) grandma klump, kevin, and renee walters and her new man we headed home. Well i had been feeling fine up until i got in the car. Well i started to feel a bit of a rumbling and a grumbling in the old tummy and i knew what was coming, i was just hoping and praying i would make it home in time. I may have made it home in time if i hadn't had to drop off my brother at my parents house. About the time i pulled into my drive way i couldn't hold it any longer and with my legs swishing together as tight as i could hold them together i what you may or may not call running in the house to explode into the toilet. In this case it might have been better if there was a hole in the ground outside but that is neither here nor there. Needless to say after i did get done on the pot Jenna called in and asked if i made it i said no and came out to take my coat off and she said like a loving girlfriend and nurse that she is "oh you stink you need to take a shower!" I said yes i know im working on it. So there is my poo in the pants story for you and i must admit it isn't the only one i could share. Well i hope you get a good laugh out of this story and that it makes sense! I am thinking about you two and im glad you are doing pretty good! I am praying that God keep you safe from anything too major in the sickness department. Zeb you and i will have to relearn halo together when you get home because im pretty sure i haven't played at all since you left. Merry Christmas!!!

Anonymous said...

Well I can't compete with either yours or Ry's stories but just for a giggle I'll give my most recent embarrassing stoy. I'm not sure if it's b/c of the holidays and eating out of the ordinary or staying in the house and not getting out to exercise or what... but people sure are having bowel issues these days I guess. I think I've had at least 5 patients this week alone that when I ask them to get on treatment table to either do a stretch or assume a position for manual therapy, etc. they've let one rip!!! They immediately apologize and turn as red as the tomatoes coming in your garden and all I can really do is make some sort of noise that part resembles a word, a snicker, and a cough! Luckily a few times I was actually walking out the door when the extremely audible pass of gas occurred so I pretended like I didn't hear it but today I had a patient lying on his back and I asked him to bring his knee up toward his chest to stretch his low back and sure enough he was propped, cocked, and loaded and as soon as he moved his leg...BOOM! This time I wasn't so lucky as to pretend I didn't hear. How does one respond to that, really?? I about die everytime but am able to hold in the laughter. Sad part is, I think I'm getting use to it and it didn't make me want to laugh as hard today. I was still overly embarrassed for the gentleman but I guess basically getting fart on is now in my job description!!!
Hope this made you and T smile! Merry Christmas! Feel better soon! Love ya both! -Rae

Dad Randle said...

Sorry Zeb .......can't touch that one, tho I have experienced the same sort of gastro-intestinal self destruction that you describe.(but I had a flush toilet, shower, warm bed and a bottle of Kaopectate close at hand !! ) My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine the discomfort that you suffered thru. Let's hope it doesn't happen again !!
If you can, will you post a picture of your "Chim" for us on your blog ? I know it would probably be kinda gross, but it would give us all a little more perspective on the conditions that you and Tina face every day there in Malawi. Good luck with your upcoming school year, Be Careful !!
I'll save some venison tenderloin for you ! - Ron